TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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