i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
