Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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