her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
