thus making me awesome and them whores
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
