he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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