areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
