I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
