i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
