HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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