I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
