I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
