Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
