Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
