you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
