i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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