Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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