i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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