Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
