I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
