i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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