I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
