No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
