Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
