This dress was meant to end up on your floor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
