I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
