just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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