garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
