I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
