The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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