My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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