Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
