you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
