I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
