; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
