Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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