To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
