a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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