how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
