So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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