Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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