i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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