At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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