well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
