May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
