4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
