she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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