This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
