I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My pussy is not your playground.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
