Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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