One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
