is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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