I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
