Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
